A peek inside my mind.

I cannot sleep.
This bed is lonely and cold.
Today, this girl came at me all wrong. I have never wanted to punch someone more in my life.
I wish a school didn't start so early in the morning.
I have never wanted to win a soccer game more in my entire life.
This is getting a little too real for me.
Demi lovato is perfection.
I try and act like this whole situation doesn't bother me, but it does.
Why are you not here?
I hate blanket hoggers, but I dont mind you one bit.
When does school end?
Where am I gonna go to college?!
Ihatelife
Coffee is like a hug in a cup,
That's all I need

I think I've had enough.

Why am I never enough?
Not pretty enough
Skinny enough
Talented enough
Smart enough
Strong enough
Fast enough
Determined enough

Why am I not good enough? There's is always someone better, faster, stronger, prettier. Someone who works harder than me.
Then there is always someone who points out the fact that I am not the best, or the hardest working, or the prettiest or whatever.

And why is it always the ones that I put on the highest pedestal that make me feel the lowest?

"Never become so busy making a living that you forget to make a life"

I stumbled upon that quote a couple of weeks ago and it has been at the back of my mind ever since. Maybe it's because all of my friends are growing up, leaving the nest, going to college. They're starting their lives. Their REAL lives. They aren't the seniors anymore, we are. I AM! And that is still such a hard concept for me to grasp. I'm a senior. I'm seventeen. I'm student body president. When did all of this happen?! I took my first college entrance exam, I'm going to have to start applying for scholarships soon, and to colleges too. WHUT?! the future is sneaking up on me, and fast. I feel like I was JUST a freshman. Now, I'm almost done. Then there is life AFTER high school. After. AFTER!!!! I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do, but the most important things is, I want to be successful. Oh my god, I want to be successful! and i truly believe that I will be. But what is success anyway? Success means different things to different people, some peoples definition is $$$$, which brings me back to that quote. "Never become so busy making a living that you forget to make a life". To me, success is not measured in money, but in smiles. As cheesy as that sounds, that's seriously what I think! Yeah, money is nice, but I don't want to focus my whole life around making it. That is a life wasted. I want to look back when I'm 80 and see tons and tons of pictures of me and my family happy and smiling and laughing. I want to be able to say that I was truly happy. I want to live a life I love, and do what I love. To me, that is success. I don't know. This post really didn't have to much of a purpose. I'm just kind of rambling. All I know is, I'm going to enjoy every day of this precious life that God has blessed me with. ✌ out.

I only post on here when I'm upset.

Today, I am upset. I am so upset. So so SO upset. Upset to the point where I don't even want to leave my bed. To the point where i dont even feel like i can move. I don't even want to. I just... I don't even have the words. This sadness is consuming me, and I'm allowing it to.

You win. Again.